Cairns in Bucks Pocket State ParkIt’s interesting sometimes to think about the rest of my life. The rest of my life. It’s not that long. I am 32 years old this year, and every year, as another sun creeps around, I realized I’m not as young as I used to be. The end of life seems closer, more finite. Which is fine. The old adage about youth being wasted on the young is almost 100 percent true, and I’m sure those with decades more experience than I have would claim that my youth, my third decade, is being wasted on me, too. Just as I believe those with a decade less are wasting their twenties.
But: the rest of my life. It’s a hard thing to make promises for. Maybe because I’m not married. It blows my mind how married people make these promises, till death do them part. It’s so common! Almost 98 percent of people, or something, get married. How can all of them be that brave?
I have a hard time making promises, and buying a piece of land is, in a lot of ways, a promise. A promise to myself, more than anyone. A promise that I can stay put. Can I stay put? I doubt it.
I’m trying not to make it feel like it is a decision that has an eternity’s weight behind it. I don’t know if I can stay here for fifty more years. But ten? Maybe. Five? Can I allow myself to make that big of a promise to myself? I don’t know.
4 comments:
You're marrying the land so to speak...
Yikes. Maybe! The thought freaks me out, and I'd like to believe a land purchase isn't as permanent as a marriage...
You will not marry your land, but you will put your soul into making it a thing of beauty and pride. This will take a lot off effort and will and will tire you, but not exhaust you. You will have enough energy for the next twenty-five years and the history of projects accomplished, that you will either build on your original investment or move on, using it as either a "base," or, more likely, the collatoral for further enterprise. With luck and ingenuity, you will be able to combine your love of writing with your new love of a "base" in Alabama.
Wonder what those people are like in AL?
Thanks for all the comments, Cap'n. I'm glad you're still reading as I've turned into a CLOD (cruiser living on dirt). I continue to be excited about the land, and the adventure of hiking again. As far as faith is concerned, I believe faith is on eof those things that can be only understood from the inside. Half of me still believes it is naive. But I can't deny it, either. I believe that God guides my steps. Either I'm right, or I'm wrong. If I'm wrong, I might get in trouble. If I'm right... Well, then, God's guiding my steps.
It's like another version of Pascal's wager. I've decided I'd rather believe than not believe.
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