Wednesday, February 06, 2013

Neither one gonna turn and run

They’re making a voyage to the sun
“His Master’s voice is calling me”
Says Tweedle-dee Dum to Tweedle-dee Dee

We had a thaw here on two weeks ago, with a high of 50 degrees, and then a week of twenty below. It seems as if the climate has changed even since my first winter here, in 2004. Bizarre weather patterns breaking out all over the place, lows broken in California, highs broken here. No surprise for those of us who believe in global warming, but everyone else seems to find it remarkable.

Are we making a voyage to the sun? Are we going to turn and run? I have not called Goldman Sachs, my investment bank, home of my meager savings. I hope to convince them to divest. Maybe I should just write an open letter on these pages.

Dearest Goldman Sachs:

I am greatly appreciative of the work you do managing my money. I appreciate that much of my happiness in retirement--if, in fact, happiness is dependent on financial security--is dependent on your management. I appreciate that, even in difficult circumstances, you have made my investment savings grow, at a rate beating my CD by about 1000%.

What I am less appreciative is the demeaning names you call me behind my back. Although I am a “muppet”, I am also intelligent, well-read, educated, and driven. Just because I entrust my financial future to you does not mean that I am dumb. If that is your opinion, I would like to know. I am not a cow to be milked of whatever you can suck from me. I am not ahuman to your vampire squid.

I ask you to take a look at the evidence for climate change. Take a simple, unbiased look at what 99.5% of scientists, commonly accepted scientific theory, not that provided by your employees, the executives of carbon-based energy companies.

Will you please divest entirely from carbon-based energy sources? Even if you view me as food for your hungry vampire children, in need of cleaners and nannies and boob jobs and botox and gardeners and private school and Harvard, you must care about their future. You must not want them to live in a world of chaos, despair, disaster, and economic collapse. If so, do you think you can change course, you, middle-manager, sitting there, deciding whether or not to invest some muppet's pension in Exxon-Mobil?

Only you can slowly, but surely, turn around this great ship of state. Unfortunately, such power no longer is held by our elected officials.

Do you love your children? What about your grandchildren? If you love your grandchildren, do you believe they will love theirs? Their future rests in your hands.

I also believe it is a sound—nay, prescient--investment strategy, enriching us both. Warren Buffett is currently investing in alternative energy sources. If you choose to stop buying shares in buggy-whip-factory stock, your children may end up not just surviving apocalypse, but also retaining their position in the oligarchy.

Also, will you please refrain from manually abetting terrorists and mass murderers? [See HSBC.]

Melissa Jenks

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